For all the talk on the web about retirement, there are precious few blogs, apparently, that are actually exploring the issues people are discovering from the experience of retiring.

Now it may seem a bit paradoxical that I am searching so diligently for those conversations since I am not retired and don't plan to retire, but I am so aware of them in my friends and clients that I can't believe others aren't having them.

I'm especially curious about how life partners adjust the dance of their relationship to accommodate their new circumstances. I think about my friends Sally and Bill. She is still working and plans to work for quite a few years. He has full-time retired from a life-time civil service position. He remains physically active but she can see him slowing down mentally after only a year off the job. They noticed that they had started to drink a lot on a regular basis and have chosen to cut back on their alcohol consumption because of the long term implications for their health. They continue to get along pretty well but only if they make an effort to stay out of one another's hair much of the day. In many ways Sally dread the day that she doesn't have work to provide some meaning to her life.

Then there is Natalie and Don. He always earned significantly more than she did and had an "important" managerial job while she was an office admin person. He retired early and she soon followed but finally went back to work because she couldn't stand being around him 24/7. All he wanted to do was give her directions on how she could do everything better, more efficiently ...even though he was completely unwilling to lift a hand beyond what had been his traditional duties of mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage. Lots and lots of tension between those two. And it continues because now he has opinions about how she should be spending her money. But at least she has a few hours of respite each week. I wonder how and if they are ever going to last long since they are only in their early 60s.

And then there are Cilla and Doug. Took early retirement to look after aging parents and damned near killed themselves with the strain of caregiving. Now they are back on their own and beginning to experience one health problem after another, even though they have money, travel extensively and seem to have lots of friends. I'm not certain that they really have all that much to say to one another and I'm beginning to wonder if illness is not giving them something to take about!

Gee, just describing my perceptions of those relationships in retirement has recommitted me to having this "edging towards retirement" process last a very, very long time!

Are you someone who is in a relationship and has concerns about retirement that you'd like to share? Are you actually living with the outfall of relationship stress due to retirement? I'd love to hear from you.